RK Failure Pronounced a "Success"

I am yet another RK failure, although some surgeons might call me a "success". Eight gut-wrenching years after being run through an RK mill in the Texas area, I still wonder how this ever happened to me. Every single day, I think back to the afternoon right before the surgery and wonder why NO ONE said anything to me about how RK might not be the best refractive surgery for a big-pupiled, low myope like myself.

Just one person saying "you know, this might not be the best thing for you" would have made me stop and think twice before continuing along my merry, misinformed way. Instead, I got smiles and handshakes all the way up to the scalpel...

I am currently trying to remain optimistic about my disabled condition, even though I will never get to experience things like the following EVER again:

* reading a book or magazine, on the floor by only the light from the house windows.
* looking up at the stars and moon and not seeing double and triple stretched blurry images...
* driving anywhere casually at night
* feeling at ease in a building with low lights, or in a meeting where the lights are dimmed.
* being able to stay up late and work on WHATEVER without seeing my vision fluctuate and eyes start hurting...

About one week after RK surgery, my father mentioned that the family opthalmalogist had nothing but bad things to say about RK as an elective procedure. I dismissed those claims, confident that the strange glare and starburst effects of my new surgery would surely diminish, if not ENTIRELY go away with time. At least, that's how the RK surgeon had talked about it; that's how the consent form talked about it.

Hell, everything about RK that I was presented with up until the actual procedure was mostly statistics about "how close to 20/20" I was going to end up. Why not take the risk? If things didn't work out, I'll just end up in glasses again, right? I had my RK surgery in mid 1991. It is now December 1999 and I can say, without a doubt, that RK is THE SINGLE WORST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Some of the things I now experience include:
* permanent double-vision
* farsightedness (oh yeah, they talked about that, you "might" need reading glasses as you get older. I've been unable to read up close since shortly after my surgery)
* "missing" letters and segments of letters in printed material * inability to see "under" car headlights or over them at night, for all the damned glare and starburst that fills the area around them.
* strange sensation of pressure in/on the eyeball after a few hours work involving moderate computer use.
* bizarre dodging to avoid objects that aren't there when walking in dimly lit areas (I never read _anything_ about this before the surgery)
* random eye pain that occurs when my vision fluctuates.
* inability to wear contact lenses due to unusual eye dryness and eye sensitivity.

But by far, the worst feeling after RK is how everything seems so two-dimensional and joyless. If you can't see what you are doing, how can you do it well? Like most people with RK, I have gone through my own stages of depression, anger, confusion, denial, etc etc. I hope I can say that my worst year occurred through late 1998 and most of 1999, as I feared I would finally "do it" and just **** myself rather than live with this uncorrectable, uncontrollable, painful mess... Well, I made it through the worst depression I have experienced in my life...and surviving has given me new strength (I'm not going to describe the patchy hair loss, stomach ulcers and skin rashes that came with that period of stress and depression as I'm sure most RKers who are reading this can understand what happened to me during "that" time)

Now what? Well, it's time to fix this problem, and make sure others like me aren't suckered in by the glossy ads and tricky marketing that often surrounds a questionable elective surgical procedure. Where do I go from here? Where do WE go from here? More surgery?No surgery?Acceptance of our disability? I don't know the answer yet; however, I am determined NOT to waste the next 10 years of my life feeling sorry for myself. I am resolved to "fix" this mess, but I will need some help...

If you can offer any assistance, professional or personal, please contact me through the surgicaleyes bulletin board or through my website at http://home.satx.rr.com/rksa