Gail
I have hated my glasses since the first day I put them on in 1960. My depth perception changed with every new prescription and there were no straight lines. Everything curved due to my heavy lenses and my far vision never seemed to be as crisp as people around me. It was like that old TV show where the moon is suddenly brought into focus, but only for everyone else, never me. However, being severely nearsighted gave me a keen appreciation for what limited vision I had, so I did not jump on the first bandwagon of refractive surgery. I am a scientist and an engineer, so I waited, watched, read, and researched. I watched radial keratotomy and PRK develop and didn't like what I saw. I even followed the procedure from South America where the entire cornea was removed, frozen, and then turned on a small lathe before being sewn back on. But LASIK seemed to be very sensible. When my surgeon told me that I was a good LASIK candidate and could go to Canada, I waited 4 more years before deciding to have the surgery. I thought I knew all about the risks and the expected outcomes. I signed the forms on August 7th 1999 with confidence that I would be back at work the next week as all of the people I had interviewed over the phone advised me. I was sadly mistaken.

My surgery went well, no torn flaps, no excessive eye movement, I had a good surgeon, but when I went to read the eye chart it was streaming with lights and the images from my right eye were doubled. The glare from the eye chart projector ran over the letters and I guessed most of them. And my eyes hurt! I was seeing about 20/100 per the chart, but I couldn't focus the glare and double images away. My spouse drove me home and I went to bed, waking only to place drops in my eye and reposition the protective covers.

The next day I had to be driven into the office for my check up. My eyes were in hell and I was scared. I had to wear very dark glasses to get from the car to the office, but had lost the ability to see well in the dim lights of the parking structure. I could not read to sign my name in at the office. I could not stop crying, my eyes weeping of their own accord with lids swollen like two red slugs. I still couldn't see well and the double vision was making me crazy. My doctor offered me a T-shirt and the advice to give things time to heal as my topography looked grand and I should be seeing 20/20 in no time.

It has been over 6 months, and I am still in LASIK hell. I don't see 20/20 and have lost the quality of my vision. I no longer try to drive at night because I cannot make sense of the halos, glare, starbursts, and ghosts crowding my vision. I have just recently tried to take up grocery shopping again, but cannot readily scan the shelves to find mushroom soup in the midst of all the visual noise and double vision. I have to rely upon my memory of where these items are stocked and if they rearrange the order, spend time standing in the aisle with my hand over one eye trying to read with the other. I must cover one eye because my eyes no longer work together. My left eye is slightly farsighted, my right still nearsighted with double vision. Although my surgeon says that this unintended monovision is a boon, I cannot make my brain adjust. Both eyes want to see at all times and the result is blurry vision all the time and headaches daily. I cannot see my son at the skating rink and plant myself under a light so that he finds me when it is time to go home.

As for work, I have spent the past 6 months trying to learn how to work with the eyes I have been surgically given. I am a research academic that cannot use my eyes for longer than 4 hours. After that, I answer the phone, talk to students, and try to look productive. I have unfinished papers and proposals on my desk because my vision fades before I can get to work on them. I cannot see the contents of test vials clearly anymore and must ask my grad students to describe what they are seeing. I give group projects in class rather than try and read individual papers. I sometimes sleep in my office if it has grown dark and my vision is too bad to risk getting behind the wheel of my car. I must hide my true condition from my colleagues, because I won't be considered fairly for promotion if the true extent of my disability becomes known. I cannot apply for a better position because my eyes can not sustain the basic requirements of the job I currently have.

I am not a candidate for enhancement with current technology. Topolink may help with the irregular astigmatism, but I don't know if I'll have the money, or even a job with health insurance that could pay for it, when it becomes available. for that matter, I am not sure that my thin corneas will stand the pre-glaucomic eye pressure building up without bulging outward in time and requiring corneal transplants. I have been stopped in what should have been the most productive time of my career and life. I am a "person interrupted" by LASIK.

I now know that much of my vision is gone forever. Never again can I walk in the mountains by moonlight as contrast sensitivity has faded. I cannot work all day and stay up late into the evening reading the latest science fiction novel or watching a movie. I cannot share driving all night with my spouse so that we can go skiing. I cannot read the prices on monopoly properties and have to rely upon my memory to play with my son and his friends. I spook real easy in dimly lit parking garages and won't meet friends for plays or concerts at night. My world has gotten very small.

If you are considering LASIK, please reconsider. Better technology is coming and you can afford to wait. If you go ahead with your decision to have LASIK, do one eye at a time and read some of the questions to ask your surgeon and tests to undergo on this website. If I would have, I'd still be seeing a rosy future full of promise rather than an iffy road to partial recovery.