My life changed tremendously on Wednesday April 28, 1993. At age 42, I had radial keratotomy. For 15 years, I worked as an owner-operator deliveryman.

On my delivery routes, I ran into plenty of snow storms, but compared to the snow job I received before and after this surgery. My surgeon minimized the possibility of a bad result. Testimonials and statistical successes gave me false hope. I had less than 1 out of 1,000 chance for a poor result. My surgeon was so confident about my surgical success that he recommended to cut both eyes prior to the surgery. He would only use four incision to correct my 3.50D myopia. He assured me that I was a good candidate.

The informed consent was given to me the morning of the surgery. It listed a whole range of items which stunned me. Nothing was mentioned in any video, seminar or personal talk about these technical terms. Still, like an idiot, I signed my sight away. I got cold feet and decided to have one eye done. The surgeon selected my non-dominant left eye.

The surgeon examined me the following day. He was so happy with the good results that he recommended surgery on my dominant right eye. I declined; I couldn't stand the unbelievable glare, ghosts, double vision and pain. The numbers on my alarm clock were smeared. Headlights had a life of their own. I went to the emergency room 3 times in 2 short months with anxiety attacks. I couldn't even walk into my boss's office (flourescent lights). I wore sunglasses over sunglasses. All lighting killed my mental health. Inside or outside lighting disgusted me! I sold my delivery truck. I still don't drive at night. I hid in my bedroom with towels pinned over the window curtains. I was out of control. I contemplated suicide. I would have jumped out of the doctor's office window Suite 20/20 (I guess named after all his perfect refractive surgeries). I even signed a power of attorney.

Self-hatred was high, but not as strong as my anger with the doctor. I wanted him to pay. After 5 long years, I won a jury trial. He was found guilty of misrepresentation. Three weeks prior, this ophthalmology practice lost a lasik case. A double whammy worth, close to 1/2 million dollars.

6 1/2 years later, I am still obsessed with my vision. I cover my right eye and get despair. I cover my left eye and get hope. Aquarium vision and uneven vision are good examples of my vision. LIke many of you, I too have large pupils. The surgical optical zone was 3 mm; pupillary zone was between 4 and 6 mm. The four incisions were decentered nasally. The superior temporal incision is within 0.5 mm of my optical axis. Consequently, my surgeon prescribed pilocarpine. I hated it so I quit taking it.

Sharp eye pain has frayed my nerves. There are components of edema, eye lid infection (blepharitis), and erosions. Warm compresses, eyelid massage, artificial tears, Muro 128, lac-a-lube and Acular are some of my eye treatments.

My psychological counselors have little idea of exactly what I am going through. I will request them to log onto this web site. The letter to the American Psychiatric Association is an accurate portrayal of refractive surgery failures.

You can reach me with any comments at fabricjr39@hotmail.com.